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Sunday, March 14, 2010

VIBRATING TESTICLES

I just wondered if anyone else has this problem. Even though I'm Gay I occasionally find myself in a sexual relationship with a female, usually in a three way with the husband. I was hot and heavy in a sexual relationship with a couple in her thirties back in 2005. She said she was on the pill, but I wasn’t so sure myself. They made quite a fuss over the expensive new cars I drove and my condo. I can't stand condoms and she didn't like them either, so I decided to get a vasectomy the day before Thanksgiving in 2005. I was making a lot of money and I didn't want to be stuck with child support payments. A coworker who didn’t make half the money I did was paying something like six hundred and fifty dollars to his ex wife, so I didn’t want to imagine what I’d have to pay.

I never told them about it because I suspected she wanted to get pregnant. I was one of the lucky ones who didn't need ice packs, or have any pain or swelling and I went back to work the day after Thanksgiving, I just made sure I wore tight underwear. The doctor who performed the procedure used stainless steel clips to tie off the tubes, veins, whatever, so they wouldn't accidentally grow back together and I can't remember what he said. The doctor only made one tiny incision.

Well a few months after that I would feel a vibrating in my crotch. I always keep my cell phone on vibrate when I'm at work because I think it's rude to answer your phone when you have a customer, so I would always reach in my pocket to see if I'd missed a call and there weren't any calls.
It happened quite often and I began to realize it was happening even when my cell phone was on my desk, in my briefcase, or on the charger. It's still going on and it happened two days ago while I was on my computer sitting in my sleeping shorts while my cell phone was on my night stand. What is it? It is definitely a vibrating, humming feel that only last a few seconds and then goes away. I guess at my age I should be glad to have anything going on in my shorts, but this really bugs me. Sometimes I think it's a plane going overhead, or a truck going by, but I've been standing alone in my office when it happens. What else could cause a buzzing feeling in your groin? It's like someone put aluminum foil on my nuts and started humming "Dixie"!

I've often thought of an old story about Lucille Ball breaking up a Japanese spy ring in World War Two because one day when she was driving home from the studio she got a vibration in her teeth fillings. Apparently Lucy had very bad teeth from what I've read. She put her car in reverse and backed up to where the signal was the strongest it was Morse code and when she reported it to the police they discovered a Japanese spy ring right there in L.A.
It took a while before I noticed it and it’s quite random and unexpected. Usually when it happens I start looking at electrical equipment around me to see if something is going haywire. Seriously maybe if I moved to California it would be an early alert for earthquakes or something. It doesn't feel bad, or good, it's just always a shock when it happens. I've never noticed it at night and I'm sure they don't noticeably move, but it always seems to happen when I'm around computers, in the car, or near electrical stuff.
I’ve been told I should call my doctor and tell him. It was embarrassing enough having to take a sperm sample to the ladies in the office to be sure I was sterile. I don't think I could ever explain to a receptionist or a nurse unless we were naked together and then I know they’d laugh in my face. I don't feel any pain, or discomfort and he warned me that I might be able to feel the clips, but after much exploration I think I might have felt one at one time I'm not sure I was concentrating on something else. Now if there were a chance of a lawsuit with a large cash settlement I'd show my balls to a judge or jury and never give it a second thought.

Hey my primary physician is gay maybe I'll ask him. I've been going to him for twenty one years and he was freaked out when he found out I had a vasectomy. The dumb ass thought I had it done to prevent STDs which I have never had and made his nurse call me to ask me why I had it done. I just told her there was a female involved and he didn't know everything about me.

Someone suggested it might be tight jeans, I stopped wearing tight jeans about thirteen years ago. I've reached the age where I want everything to fit without hurting me. Loose pants, underwear, shirts, jackets, etc. I even try and have my shoes resoled because I don't like breaking in new ones. I just want to be comfortable these days. I guess I’ll just have to live with it unless I start getting terrorist messages through my nuts. Try explaining that to the FBI.

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